Date: 17th March 2014 at 1:21pm
Written by:

Manchester City were always favourites according to bookmakers, pundits and Mourinho, and their strikers score goals and they’re out of the Champions League and on Saturday Chris Foy happened, again!…

The Premier League has a tradition, a rich history of highs and lows, from a high of Kenny Dalglish piping Ferguson to the title in ’94/’95 to a low of Alan Pardew headbuttgate; a history replete with intrigues, twists and turns, from the sublime to the downright ridiculous, but only a handful of clubs have ever tasted what it means to win the Barclays Premier League; and not a single one of the five winners – Manchester United, Blackburn Rovers, Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester City – won it without their top goal scorer being amongst the league topscorers!

Whereas I don’t see a need to bore you with a recital of famous names like Alan Shearer, Andrew Cole, Eric Cantona, Teddy Sherringham, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Thiery Henry, Ruud van Nisterooy, Nicolas Anelka, Didier Drogba, Carlos Tevez, Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Aguero or Robin van Persie who all won it for their respective clubs in their various epochs.

I do however think it is worth raising the alarm that the alarmingly criminal profligacy of Mourinho’s three supposed strikers in the face of the devastatingly prolific double-acts of Aguero and Edin Dzeko or Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge might well prevent us from winning the league this year, which will see our league losing streak extend into the fourth year after we last tasted league glory in 2010 when we incidentally ran riot with goals under Signor Carlo Ancelotti, setting and smashing Premier League records in the process with an unprecedented 103 goals (2.7 per game in 38) with 68 or 61.2% (3.6 per game in 19) of those scored at home which in itself is a record still standing and unsurpassed!

If my greying memory serves correctly this is about the third time I’ll be penning this truism in an article, but I’ll reiterate anyway; no team has won the Premier League with the kind of return our ‘strikers’ have brought to the table.

No. Just no way! No way is Samuel Eto’o’s meager return of 7 goals in 18 games at this stage of the season enough for any title talk, neither is Fernando Torres’ and Demba Ba’s embarrassingly abysmal combined total of 7 goals (4 and 3 in 22 and 14 games respectively) anywhere near enough to begin to insinuate nor hope for a title challenge; a total of 14 goals from 3 fat overfed over-the-hill and overpaid undeserving cats.

There’s only so far the magic of Eden Hazard can take you!

Don’t get me wrong. I want us to win the league by all means just so, if nothing, my little ‘hypothesis’ would be seen to have been nothing but pure unfounded baloney, proven absolutely wrong and consequently thrown to the dogs, as I know there’s always a first time.

I want Jose to win his third English title and our fifth, but the problem is that I just fail to see it happening this term unless, of course, our three toothless (or blunt-toothed depending on your tastes) strikers from now on start setting the league ablaze – start getting their Didier Drogba or Nicolas Anelka impressions right, that’s if not that of the swashbuckling Luis Suarez – because right now as far as this writer is concerned, the likes of Torres at our dear club are nothing short of expensive cosmetic strikers!

Blimey, hasn’t one Romelu Lukaku ‘fluked’ in more goals than these overpaid cosmetic striking dummies?

Maybe the Special One has special powers to curb the norm and win this league in spite of, not because of, his chosen corps of strikers. Maybe he knew all along what we thought was a well documented striker malaise post-Drogba was not a malaise at all but undue apprehensions on our part as the novices of the game that we all are; maybe the unfunny joke El Nino has made of the most part of his Chelsea career long before and after we flogged Sturridge to the Scousers was nothing to lose sleep about; maybe long before making his comeback from Real Madrid the Special One had a plan, including that of attempting to sign Shrek before finally settling for the aging Samuel Eto’o as ‘Plan B’ which sadly doesn’t seem to be working in this moment.

But one thing is certain, blessed with the league’s meanest defence and a midfield that made Yaya Toure look like Charlie Adam at a FIFA Ballon d’Or ceremony, twice, if we don’t win this league it will be down to the wastefulness of Torres, Ba and Eto’o!

And what a shame that will be to the £50m man, who being in a last chance salon, might never stand a chance of winning the Premier League again.

Be honest but don’t you, like me, sometimes wish you could reach out and punch each of our strikers square in the face each time they miss a sitter or, perhaps, knock some sense into the Special One in the summer if he fails to flush these cosmetic flops and buy strikers who actually score goals?

Whilst it may be generally accepted, albeit painfully that Rafa Benitez fortuitously got us playing the better football with a leaner squad, with such score-lines as 8-0 to Jose’s bogey team Aston Villa and so on, do you think Mourinho’s magic alone can win us the league?