Date: 14th June 2014 at 10:12am
Written by:

In loving memory of our beloved tiki-taka, and although Brazilian police are on top of the situation – already hot on the trail of the culprits – Vital Chelsea regrets not informing the world in ‘good time’ that if there’s one person who’s doing his best to wipe the philosophy of tiki-taka (please ask google if you haven’t heard this term yet) off the history books and out of our consciousness, an antithesis to the boring possession short passing-oriented football, then that person must be the Dutch Master christened Arjen Robben; because for close to a decade now, the former Chelsea and Real Madrid bald wing wizard has been going about dear business of trying to kill tiki-taka, with his uber functional playing style and grenade of a left foot, of course.


If he’s not teaming up with his other tiki-taka ‘antagonists’ at German side FC Bayern to destroy ‘protagonists’ and proponents at Barcelona under the watchful eyes of a great of the game and former Real Madrid coach, Jupp Heynckes, he is conniving with another great and former Barcelona gaffer, Louis Van Gaal to murder world and European champions, Spain.


Well, last night he(and his cohorts) finally succeeded in murdering tiki-taka, and almost a hapless Iker Casillas too to boot, as the world witnessed the asphyxiation of the body and soul of tiki-taka.


With non-crocodile tears in the eyes I regret to inform you that as (mis)communicated by chief mourner, Vincente Del Bosque, obsequies and interment will be announced soon, most likely before the final of the World Cup on 13 July. So keep a date.

Was Roman Abramovich watching?
Please buy a wreath, sir.

Adieu tiki-taka.