So when I learnt that there was a CD of the favourite songs of Chelsea players, I was delighted. You cannot, however, imagine the depths of my disappointment when I saw the actual tracklisting. Which, for your edification, I reproduce.
(Shaun Wright-Phillips) Kelis – Milkshake
(John Terry) Luther Vandross – So Amazing
(Ricardo Carvalho) Stone Roses – Fools Gold
(Michael Essien) Jay Z – Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)
(Paulo Ferreria) Mylo – In My Arms
(Joe Cole) Spandau Ballet – Gold
(Robert Huth) Marvin Gaye – Lets Get it On
(Lenny Pidgley) Usher – You Make Me Wanna
(Eidur Gudjohnsen) KC & Jo Jo – All My Life
(Carlo Cudicini) Groove Armada – I See You Baby (Fatboy Slim Radio Edit)
(Didier Drogba) Aailyah – Back & Forth
(Petr Cech) R Kelly – I believe I can Fly
(Frank Lampard) Lionel Richie – Stuck on You
(Damien Duff) Christy Moore – Joxter Goes to Stuttgart
(Hernan Crespo) Jamiroquai – Seven Days in Sunny June
(Asier Del Horno) Kings Of Leon – California Waiting
(Geremi) Toni Braxton – You’re Makin’ Me High
(Lassana Diarra) Blu Cantrell – Breathe (Featuring Sean Paul)
(Arjen Robben) Europe – The Final Countdown
(Jose Mourinho) Bryan Adams – Run To You
Now it goes without saying that my musical tastes are superior to anyone else?s, and that naturally allows me to be highly critical of the selections from the players. Critical? Almost to a man, I am disgusted.
A first comment is that, frankly, the ?foreign? players have better tastes than the English ones. That, however, is mainly due to the fact that all of the English ones have chosen tracks that are awful. It?s a list of non-descript soul trax, identikit R&B. SWP’s is only half decent, otherwise this is quite shameful. How could players from a country with such a vibrant musical culture have chosen such dross schmaltz? Geremi, in choosing Toni Braxton, merely suggests that he shouldn?t be hanging out with the England players.
If anything, it?s the Portugueezers have the best taste. Over 15 years on, the Stone Roses are still shimmeringly awesome. Indeed, The Observer Music Monthly last year voted their landmark debut album as the best British Album. Ever. So top marks to Ricardo for that choice. As for Paulo Ferreira, well, ?In My Arms? is from one of the best records of last year (Mylo?s ?Destroy Rock?n?Roll?), and that track, with a wonderful sample of Kim Carnes? ?Betty Davis Eyes? really top banana. However, the big-ups that I?m dishing out to the Portugeezers does not extend to the manager. With all the respec? I can sum up for a man who has reached the very pinnacle of his profession, his selection is, however, mawkish stadium rock . That said, I heard once that our manager also likes Phil Collins. Not cool, José.
On the plus side, I don’t rate Kings of Leon, but I’m impressed that Del Horno chose that. Michael Essien’s track is also good, but he would have received extra points had he taken something from the Jay Z versus Danger Mouse Album.
Otherwise is Robben’s choice a joke (a lot of ?metal? is camp, but that Europe track is, well, the unique example of metal that is gay. In the literal sense of the term, not the playground taunt)? And how can Robert Huth have chosen something from about 10 years before he was born?
Still, the worst in this very bad selection is from Petr Čech. That song really makes me reach for the death metal (one of the most conservative and formulaic genres ever). ?I wish I could Fly?: be my guest off the Post Office Tower, Mr Kelly.
Oh for another Pat Nevin, who famously liked the indie bands of his day: he loved Joy Division, and declared his devotion to arty label 4AD.
So endeth my very opinionated critique of the musical tastes of the current team. Of course, I say all this in the light-hearted way that any discussion of music entails, particularly as I have nothing more than consideration for the players as athletes. However, I allow myself to offer a word of advice: none of you should think of giving up your day jobs to take up a career in music…
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