Now, fully appreciate that it`s a cultural thing, and that judging by The Netherlands’ performance yesterday, that it`s endemic to pretty much all Dutch players, with Van Persie, Cocu, Kuyt, and Van der Vaart all equally guilty, but it really does bother me when I see Chelsea players not playing fairly. Lets be honest here – Robben has dived as much as any other player for Holland, and it is a form of cheating. It would be stunningly myopic of Wenger-esque proportions to suggest that Holland are the only team that do it, or to suggest that Eng-ger-land are blameless, but its still cheating and Robben is still a Chelsea player. Many of you will remember my little outburst against Drogba a while back. More of you will note how his game picked up unrecognisably, after he got slaughtered from all sides for his antics. He just seemed to stamp it out of his game. Not completely, but the petulant play acting and sulking seemed to largely go from the big man’s game for the end of last season, and how much better of a player he looked.
Well, I`m sorry Arjen, but we want something similar from you please.
I don`t like criticising Chelsea, or Chelsea players, and I am one of those old school types who cannot, under any circumstances, ever, ever boo someone in a Blues shirt, but something needs to be said. Better I say it than some BRM who thinks Ickle Stevie is any better?
In fairness to Robben, most of his problem is the media attention and general hyperbolic hysteria that seems to follow anyone foreign if they do anything “wrong” in the Premiership. If they were not on his case, then it would mitigate the circumstances somewhat, although not completely. ITV covering the Holland game were particularly unpleasant last night. When Van Persie, Cocu or Kuyt, or any of the Portuguese did it, they “went down a little too easily” and “perhaps made a little more of that than was necessary” but when Robben leapt out of a challenge and crumpled to earth it was “absolutely disgusting” and “who is he trying to kid, disgraceful etc” from Peter Drury, who should know better. Andy Gray and Martin Tyler you expect it from, and to a lesser extent Jonathan Pearce, but ITV have always been fair, but not seemingly, in the case of Young Master Robben. There is no doubt that he gets singled out for The Treatment from the media, in the same way Drogba does, but if he didn`t do it, there wouldn`t be a problem would there? Robben is gifted enough to be one of the absolute best players in the World but its obvious even from my very limited footie knowledge and grotesquely-beer dulled sense of perception, that he wont do it playing the way he does.
This tournament we’ve seen some fairly disgraceful dives from Larsson, Rooney, Gerrard, Deco, Pauleta, Simao, Ribery, and many others, but of course its the Chelsea boys who get slaughtered for it, although as I said, if they didn`t do it there wouldn`t be a problem would there? Simple answer – stop trying to get players sent off. Its cheating, and we don`t like it. Sort it out please.
My mate Don summed it up quite amusingly for me in an email this morning.
He dives with all the grace and skill of an Olympic 3m springboard artiste.
You can imagine him racing down the board with the ball at his feet, and then pulling out a ‘cheating ars*hole special’.
Commentators: ‘He threw himself into that one Bob’.
‘Yes Brian, with the grace of a shot grouse, he’s managed to even hit the double body spin before a splashless entry into the water’.
‘But Bob, the Chinese judges aren’t going to like the artistic facial expression of that one – and yes, the marks are coming up, and it’s 8.5 across the board except from the Chinese’.
‘Well Brian, Robben has to remember that Chinese don’t show emotion, so on the next dive, he needs to remember that he’s not gracing the football pitch, and so therefore mustn’t show facial expressions like he’s just been gutshot’.
‘So Bob – Robbens in the lead, with a solid 8.5. Next up, he’s going for the double pike, half volley’.
I dont really have a solution, more some suggestions. For example – ways to stop diving.
TV ref, if he says you have been diving, you are tied on a BDSM ‘cross’, and the opposing team takes free kicks at 10 metres at you. Or even opposing fans at half time for entertainment.
CS gas canisters are to be used by the ref to stop players asking for yellow cards, diving or pretending to be injured.
If you are shown to be a cheater after the match, you have to wear ladies underwear for the next match..
I`ll start drafting that proposal to FIFA now then shall I?
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