The press have been in bullish bulls*it form of late.
At first I laughed. Then I smirked. Then I stopped smiling. Then I frowned. Then I gaped. Then I started swearing.
You should never believe all you read in the press and media, but quotes and seemingly reputatable sources means that at some point you have to stop laughing at the Media’s sad desperation to sell, and wonder if there is any truth in the rumours. I refer to not one, but several rumours in fact.
Gallas cannot possibly be leaving. Apparently he is.
Drogba is unhappy and wants away. Crespo is off too.
Aging, creaking, busted-flush Roberto Carlos has apparently been offered a two year contract.
Del Horno ‘has his heart set on a move to Madrid’. With Bridgey off as well?
Wayne Bridge, Carlton Cole, and SWeeP are all off. To Tottenham. Cole I can see, but Bridgey? Surely not?
What is going on?
How can Mourinho let Drogba leave? Surely he is the lynchpin to our one up front system? Why let all three of the left back players we’ve used last season leave? And sign Roberto Carlos to replace them all? What?s the crack with that? Surely there must be some mistake? Surely Mourinho must know something we don?t about Mr Carlos – from where I?m sat he has never been the best defensively, and is notoriously crap in the air, ostensibly the reason Jose doesn?t rate Wayne Bridge, who is much better defensively, and is probably as quick as Carlos now, given the latter’s somewhat advanced years. Having said that, you only need to look at Cafu at Milan to see a Brazilian fullback aging like fine wine, but one suspects Carlos lacks the class and ability that Cafu has. Put simply, he is too lightweight and not defensively good enough for the Premiership. The thought of him getting targeted by a load of big, quick, quite cynical players like Kevin Nolan running at/through him, doesn?t bear thinking about…
So what of Drogba? Like him or not, the guy is effective and we don?t look the same force going forward without him. He is a very important player. If he leaves we need TWO top class strikers. We may not get Shevchenko and Tevez is unlikely – then who? Van Nostrilboy? Darren Bent? Mido? Chris Sutton? Robert Fleck? Scary stuff.
Last word. Wayne Bridge. We love you. DO NOT go to the Spuds. I have never forgiven Gordon ‘Jukebox’ Durie and latterly, Gus Poyet for heading to Three Point Lane, and you don?t need to go. Stay. Play in the youth team if you have to, but do not, under any circumstances, even if the survival of the entire species depended on it, even if you got a rare, incurable tropical disease that meant your gonads fell off unless you played there, even if they shoved a firework up your butt and threatened to light it unless you went and played for them… do not go to Spurs. They are extremely lucky to be in Europe, and you are Champions League class. Why do it to yourself? Why wreck your career and condemn yourself to watching grainy black and white tapes of the last time your new club won anything? Why even sink to the level of fighting a fat Canadian and a gangly, clueless Korean for your spot at left back? Paul ‘Oops I did it again’ Robinson, Ricardo Gardener and Ledley King as your defensive brothers or Petr ‘dominant like Mistress Whiplash’ Cech, John Terry and Riccy C? Come on mate – you’ve done your time in the wilderness at Fulham, biblical style – time to come in and be the Chelsea legend you know you really are. You will always have a very special place in my heart for your f*cking great goal, eight minutes to go, Highbury Sh*thole etc. I appreciate that Sp*rs only want you so they can have SOMEONE in the team who knows what its like to beat Arsenal, but you are worth more than that to us, so come back, and we’ll forget you ever even considered it.
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