Date: 17th May 2012 at 3:31am
Written by:

Not sure if this will work but it might be funny. I’m going to tweet live updates onto this editorial over the next few days, whenever I find somewhere with wifi. Sorry anout the spelling and use of poor language in advance!

Follow me at @togaflex or check back to see how we’re getting on…

17th May – 03.10 – Bedford.

hit. Very early. Hit the schnapps last might at my dad’s and am now sat patiently on his sofa waiting to leave for Stansted. Really not thinking about beer at this point. Coffee is on. Can still taste last night’s pasta Bolognaise – love having a dad who is a world class chef. Had two plates of it which is why my cannister doesn’t hurt this morning but feel sluggish and like I’ve got up really early. Which of course I have.

Got offered £1500 for my ticket last night. Turned it down like Levy for Modric but wondering whether the sensible thing might have been to take the cash, pay for my season ticket and then also a weekend away in Dubai in September. Christ that’s a lot of money. Who has that sort of cash lying around to spend on one game? Mental.

Right need a shave and a shower. Will report back later.

And the latest installment is:-

17th May – 07:00 Stansted. God I despise Ryanair. Several Chelsea on our flight. Tired.

17th May – 09:30 Memmingen looks like the Lego airport I had when I was a kid. World`s smallest airport? Almost beer time.

17th May – 14:30 Am climbing up a mountain – Unterammergau. It is deep with snow. How did I get here? And what possessed me to do it in Onitsuka trainers? I have wet feet! I`m sunburned on my head. Still no beer.

17th May – 22:30 Wiener Schnitzeland nine pints of strong beer.

17th May – 23:50 Complaint of calf and knee pain after random exertions earlier. Chef comes bounding over and plonks a pint of what looks fuel oil in front of me. Trappist ale 16%. Everyone throws up when they drink it apparently. Can see them taking bets.

18th May – 01:10 I live!! Am shit-faced blind drunk but I live! No chunder. Nobody, including my Dad can believe it. Celebrating with third currywurst of the day.

18th May – 02:12 – zzzzzzzzzzzz

18th May – 03:30 – Woken up by sharp impact on head My Dad throwing his shoes at me because I`m snoring. How can I be bloody snoring I`m awakeeeeezzzzzzzzz

18th May – 10:30 – First beer of the day. Spockmeier`s off Marienplatz. Going down a treat. Stopped in the street by German radio and asked our thoughts in the game. Caaaarefreeee!

18th May – 11:40 – Hofbrauhaus. Ordered one too many Dunkel steins. Shit just got real. Ooompapa band. Bavarian hospitality. Wurstplatter. 1860 Munich fans coming up taking photos and wishing us luck. God I love Munich.

More to follow

18th May – 13:40 – Bavaria is wonderful. Bavaria is wonderful! It`s full of beer, fanny and Chelsea, Bavaria is wonderful

18th May – 14:21 – I can`t believe it but have been suckered into buying a next season Chelsea top for ?79. Have the beer buzz. Keep seeing Chelsea around and saying hi. It`s like being in the 80`S – you said hi to Chelsea boys when you saw them. Love it. Lot of hardy Chelsea getting hammered in die Hofbrauhaus – scene of the 1933 Munich bierhalle putsch. Not only are we making history but we`re drinking in it. Caaaaaaaarefreeee!

18th May – 14:47 – Considering buying a lederhosen. With my new Chelsea top. Will look fucking great. Bavaria!

(Looks like the German beer is taking effect, apologies to those who are a little more reserved than us Brits – editor)

May 18th – 14:57 – Fourth stein. My dad has had a reaction to ‘das sauerkraut` He stinks, windy barsteward. The stench of death permeates everything. Loads of Chelsea. Making a point of speaking to them all. Very proud

May 18th – 16:30 – Hofbrauhaus seventh stein. Absolutely hammered. Got told off for singing Chelsea songs in Hofbrauhaus, Caaaaaaaaaarefreeeeeeee!

May 18th – 17:01 – Slaughtered, this bodes badly for tomorrow. Started a few songs but the security in Hofbrauhuas don`t have a sense of humour. Told off a few times by he locals. We are the Chelsea boys!

May 18th – 17:01 – Slaughtered, this bodes badly for tomorrow. Started a few songs but the security in Hofbrauhuas don`t have a sense of humour. Told off a few times by he locals. We are the Chelsea boys!

May 18th – 18:02 – We are the Chelsea. Door security says no. Good food. Chelsea boys are coming to get you

May 18th – 18:10 – Love Bavaria, Bavaria is wonderful, Bavaria is wonderful! It`s full of Chels, beer and more Chels, Bavaria is wonderful. Just found out some scrote left the Hofbrauhaus without paying. Cheeky scumbags. Free Chelsea shirt for anyone who can tell us who did this! Cheeky f*kers. Have paid their bill. Really appreciate the bill ?45! Cheeky f*kers.
Seen a 90 Germany shirt in the shops in Munich. Well f*cking smart #Klinsmann

May 18th – 19:08 – Well. Getting hammered with my fellow Chelsea. Love it. Well hammered. You are bloody lucky I even remembered to post. Hofbrauhaus no sense of humour re Chelsea songs

May 18th – 19:26 – Off back to Kaufering, drunk loads but tomorrow beckons. Loads of Chelsea wandering about, no sign yet of the blue invasion.

May 18th – 19:50 – Currywurst. Asked for level eight. Die Imbiss Speciale. Dad in major pain. Pete feeling sick. Absolutely hammered.

May 18th – 20:11 – Train back to Kaufering. Fabulous day out, love Munich. Very tired, hours on the beer take their toll. Am going to be in bits tomorrow- carefree

May 18th – 20:43 – Just seen the prison where Herr Hitler wrote Mein Kampf

May 18th – 21:17 – Blimey, Landsberg is seriously gorgeous

May 18th – 22.23 Cannot believe thisbut I am so tired I’m off to bed (lightweght-ed) Sleep calls. Back at the hotel in Kaufering and feel like I’m missing some serious beers with the boys in Munich but I stuck a lot of beers away today and am likely to be in bits tomorrow. Sensible to geta an early night and save my strength. F*ck. We’re playing in the Europeaan Cup Final tomorrow. Us! Little old Chelsea. We might even win it, you know I don’t even dare to dream it. But the thing is we’re here. I’m her. Weare the Chelsea. Makes me so proud.

May 18th – 22.32 – A little note about Bavarian hospitality. It’s absolutely top notch. Quite humbling really. Little explanation about the level eight currywurst earlier, there’s a place by the Hauptbahnof where you canchoose the heat of the chilli sauce that goes over your wurst. Level eight th ehottest. Certainly a naga extract sauce but not painfully hot. I deal with it but my dad did not. I don’t think it’s that hot but he does evidently.

May 18th – 22.37 – Trying to work out how I’ve broken my Oktoberfest personal best of eight steins.That’s sixteen pints plus two at Spockmeiers’searlier. Seventeen pints? I think I have a serious alcohol problem. I’m sat here stone cold sober as well. Deary me!

May 19th – 07:01 – Nope can`t take it anymore, Need to get up as seventeen pints wriggle and squirm inside desperate to be released. Slept okay but holy God my Dad snores. He`s like a chainsaw. As Chris Kamara would say: it`s UNBELIEVABLE. Head seems to be okay. Early night seems to have done the trick. Waking up I remember what today is. My stomach churns and bowels clench. This is it. This is the day of destiny.

May 19th – 7:07 – Peeing for England!

May 19th – 07:11 – Unbelievably Still peeing for England

19th May – 09:10 – Train packed with Bayern. Standing room only. They are singing and clearly very interested in us. Starting. This could get awkward. Smile, shake a few hands, laugh appropriately at their songs and try not to look at the fucking mean slippery looking Turkish lads sizing up my watch and our tickets.

19th May – 10:12 – Munich absolutely bouncing. Tens of thousands of Bayern fans. Atmosphere makes your hair on your neck stand up. Electric. Lots more Chels, sat in groups, burning in the sun and hitting the beers hard in appreciative, respectful quiet. Nerves palpable

19th May – 10:18 – First beer of the day. Spockmeisters NOT going down at all well. Yet

19th May – 11:32 – TEN MEN WENT TO MOW

19th May – 12:01 – No Chelsea shirts allowed in the Hofbrauhaus. That`s why God invented coats. We`re nine strong now – proper mob handed – lol

19th May – 12:02 – Walked straight in. It`s full of Chelsea. Chelsea here, Chelsea there, Chelsea every flipping where

19th May – 14:02 – Drinking with Bayern fans in the sun. They are so proud yet so friendly. Absolutely massive respect for them. They have the same songs but in German. Class.

May 19th – 15:50 – They`re absolutely different class. I want to hate them but I can`t. They are magnificent. Been drinking with Bayern fans for hours. Class. Their support is absolutely top class.

May 19th – 16:31
May 19th – 17:56 – Train to the ground. Beers with daspecial1. Caaarrreeefreeee