To carry on a theme from recent editorials, I have to say today’s been a bit hectic on the rumour front.
Apparently, according to an Italian source substantiated by exactly nobody, we’ve reached an agreement on a massive fee for Napoli’s Uruguayan powerhouse goal-getter Edinson Cavani.
Elsewhere we’ve also seen bold predictions from some sources that a deal to sign made-of-glass Stefan Jovetic from Fiorentina, that big green (and yellow) goal machine Hulk is on his way for silly money from Russia, and also that negotiations are about to get underway regarding the laughably improbable move of potato-headed (alleged) octogenarian fancier and professional scouser Wayne Rooney. To compound things further, some credible sources suggest that Edin Dzeko has been sounded out about a move as well. The FIFA Official Most Boring Transfer Saga Of The Summer continues to lumber on regarding Andre Schurrle with him having signed for us 118 an a half times in the last two weeks alone if you go by what the twitterati say.
That’s six new strikers to add to the two we have, plus Romelu ‘The Kraken’ Lukaku, who I think we are all excited about seeing in a Chelsea shirt for next season, as long as Adidas can make him one big enough.
So nine strikers.
Considering we only play one up top generally, and can only really realistically carry three in the squad for next season, so surely, sane heads must prevail and two thirds of this list must be going elsewhere.
And the question boiling just about everyone’s noggin right now is…
…Who is going to win Britain’s Got Talent?
But the NEXT most important and greatly-thunk-upon question is, who will be our three strikers for next season. So lets go through them.
Torres –
Came good in a small measure last season after endless flak from all sides, with a very respectable haul of 23 goals. Those who saw him week in week out will remember several (too many for my liking) performances where he was an utter, hapless non-entity who barely got a touch all game and never looked in danger of getting into the six yard box let alone scoring a farkin’ goal. My personal view is that he’s reinvented himself after a much-publicised loss of a yard or three of pace, into a Gudjohnsen-style creative force who has had to learn to hold the ball up and can play with his back to goal. He certainly didn’t do that at Liverpool. He’s sold his share of shirts worldwide and has scored some useful goals but could scarcely be said to have been a success. Will he be retained? The stumbling block would be his astronomical wages – few clubs outside of Russia would be able to afford it, and Monaco already bought a half-decent striker. Interesting that all the journalists I’ve spoken to, (the ones that have not blocked me on Twitter) expect him to depart. I suspect he’ll stay.
Ba –
Good player but one of several players at the club right now who are just not at the level we need. A solid targetman who can hold the ball up, he was only signed in January so a move away would be a surprise, although one suspects that even with his knees we could probably double the 7m fee we paid for him. I would like to see him retained because I really like his song. If he’s prepared to be fourth choice striker at the club, I think he’ll stay. He could be the main man somewhere like Fulham, Villa, Everton or Stoke and i don’t see him settling for an occasional run-out in the cup at the Bridge so I think he’ll go.
Lukaku –
Jose has apparently already said Romelu will not be going out on loan next season, and assuming the club don’t sell him for silly money (and we could likely get 25m+ for him which is a handy profit over the ludicrous fee we paid for him) which I think is fairly unlikely, he’ll be plying his substantial freight train impression at the Bridge next season.
Cavani –
Pound for pound tied in my personal view for the title of best striker in the world right now, but is two years younger than the other contender, Monaco-bound Falcao. Cavani is more aggressive though Falcao is likely a superior all round package. What you get with Cavani is aggression, power, lethal finishing with both feet and his head and a nasty edge that we’ve needed for some years. I think he’s by far the better investment than Falcao and is better suited to the Premiership. His style is a bit similar to our very own Jimmy Floyd-Hasselbaink and he’d be a similar cult hero at Chelsea. Reports linking him to us gathered pace today but one can only remember similar scenarios where clubs have used our real or imagined interest to wring more money out of other bidders reluctant to meet biuyout clauses. It is telling that with Tevez gone today to Juventus (thank God) and Dzeko very much looking like he wont be there either next season, City look light up front and Napoli know it. I really hope Cavani is going to Chelsea but if he doesnt he’ll go to City I’d have thought and that would likely be a title-winning signing for them, Jose or no Jose. Do i think we’ll get him? I have a horrible feeling no.
Dzeko –
I like the gangly Bosnian but don’t see him leading the line for us, although as a third-choice coming off the bench he’d be class for us. That exact role is why he apparently wants to leave City, so don’t see him coming to us unless its on mega money over what he earns there – and we don’t play that game any more do we? Do we?
Rooney –
God I hope not. There are a hundred reasons why this would be an absolute carcrash of a move. Fergie cited difficulties with him being ‘lifestyle-related’ – ie: he is a professional footballer who is more interested in the lifestyle and accoutrements than actually playing footie. The media have given him an easy ride because of the protection Fergie gave him at Old Trafford, but it is open season on him now. He’d get an easy-ish ride at Arsenal, but the media would absolutely tear him to pieces if he played for us. Overweight, goal-shy and unfocused – he is a million miles from being the sort of player Jose would tolerate. I don’t doubt he’s a talent, but not for us, please no. He’ll go to Monaco or PSG or – and you heard it here first – City.
Schurrle –
Nailed on to sign. Eventually. Quick, direct and a lethal finisher, the young German is the real deal and one of the top young talents in a golden era of German players. Good news is we’ll sign him to play out wide, but he’ll be third choice striker as he can also play up top.
Jovetic –
Massively injury prone but a huge talent. His game is based on being a second striker and if we play one up top, he’d end up playing on the right or left of the striker, whoever he may be. He’s very strongly linked to us and several industry sources seem convinced this one will happen. For me he’s a class player who would add something to our set up. If Schurrle is nailed on down the left of the front three, then Jovetic would by default be the right hand side. So if we bring him in, where does Moses fit in? And if Jovetic and Schurrle are playing down the channels, we have room for only one of Oscar, Hazard or Mata. How do we accommodate them all?
Hulk –
People keep linking him to us and I keep not being able to see him in a Chelsea shirt. My feeling is its him or Jovetic for the right side of the three, or right wing in a 4-4-2. He’s big, muscular and in that respect the sort of player Jose likes. Jovetic is younger and about ten million cheaper, but Hulk has himself been saying to the press that we’re interested. Still think he’s trying to engineer a move though, and I don’t see him coming to Chelsea. I could totally see him go to City though. Or Monaco.
So.
What are we to make of all this?
I think Schurrle is a nailed on certainty and will be a reserve choice striker up front. I think one of Jovetic or Hulk will come and will be another reserve choice to play up front if needed.
By my reckoning we have two or three spots up front. Lukaku is one. So that’s one or two more. If we sign Cavani I don’t see the club retaining Ba as they are too similar. I could certainly see the club selling Torres and Ba, knowing Lukaku and a new signing (Cavani perhaps?) plus the two attacking wide player/strikers would provide enough cover.
So we’ll find out in the near future what the club has planned. It is a puzzle wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a conundrum.
Of course this is all part of the rich tapestry of ins and outs this summer at the Bridge and it will be interesting to see what the squad looks like come the slamming shut of the transfer window in what seems like endless weeks and months.
Shall I have a little bet with you if you’ve for some reason read this far down?
Based on my not-very-encyclopaedic knowledge of football I think our 28 man squad for this coming season will be the following:
Goalkeeper – Cech, Delac, Blackman.
Right-back – Dave Azpilicueta, Kalas.
Left-back – Cole, Bertrand.
Centreback – Terry, Mangala, Luiz, Cahill.
Utility player – Ivanovic.
Defensive midfield – Mikel, Chalobah.
Midfield – Lampard, McEachran, Essien, Oscar.
Attacking midfield – Mata, Hazard, De Bruyne.
Utility player – Ramires.
Left wing – Schurrle.
Right wing – Moses, Jovetic.
Striker – Lukaku, Cavani.
Looks pretty good to me.
CAREFREE.
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